Seb – The Haiarts' Adventure

Las Vegas, NV

We had 4 nights in Las Vegas with Mat. We found a “resort” style hotel on Groupon a few km from the strip.

Vegas, wow. Everything about Vegas is a show. Our first dinner out was at a casino called The Orleans had an exterior facade made up to look like the wrought iron balconies of NOLA. We had one of the best meals of the trip at their Japanese/Chinese restaurant. That night Mat and I went out to the strip to take it all in.

“We’re close let’s walk”. What an ordeal! Especially given the hotel had a free shuttle! We set off and took 20 minutes to get to The Orleans. Then another 20 minutes to get a to a freeway which Mat was convinced we couldn’t dart across (he was right). Thank God we had some road rockets to keep us hydrated. I finally tried a White Claw. It was revolting. It tastes like the Jolly Rancher you’d offer your younger sibling. We finally made it to the MGM! We blew a bit of money and headed home.

The next morning we received our SECOND noise complaint! The first one was around 7pm because I was wrestling with Moose, sort of fair but still well before the hotel’s ‘quiet hours’. The second one was at 9am because Ollie was falling on his bottom. Security knocked on our door and asked if I could make the kids be quiet. I said ‘No’. Tough shit. I went down to the reception and asked to be moved to the ground floor. It was a massive hassle but in the end worth it to protect the precious ears of people who came to Vegas for peace and quiet!

Later we drove to the Hoover Dam. Truely an engineering masterpiece. We drove over the damn and did the power plant tour. They don’t allow kids on the dam tour unfortunately. We spent close to 3 hours on the tour and walking around. If you’re ever in the area I’d highly recommend going.

That night Mat and I took the shuttle into town and had a much better experience. We saw the volcano at the Mirage, the fountain show at the Bellagio and lost a bit more money playing roulette and blackjack. Turns out none of my lucky numbers came through!

The third day we all drove down to the strip and walked around. Parking at Treasure Island was free. We saw the pirate ships outside Treasure Island. We went to Cesar’s Palace and saw the fountains and the Fall of Atlantis animatronic show, completed with fire shooting swords. We walked all the way down the MGM New York New York casino. Inside their food court was made out like the Big Apple, plus a roller coaster. Again, everything was just over the top and incredibly entertaining. Moose even snagged a photo with the show girls.

The 3rd night Mat treated the three of us to One, the Cirque de Soleil Michael Jackson show. First we hit up some casinos and lost a bit more money. Hanika gambled big on EVEN/BLACK and won! Even this couldn’t entice to play more hands. We had a quick dinner at Guy Fieri’s restaurant then off to the show. It was my first Cirque show and I was blown away. Much fewer contortionists that I had expected but an amazing array of dancing, arial stunts and light shows. Given all the accusations about MJ I was actually surprised a company that big could produce a show based on his life/music. Still, it was an incredible show! That night Mat and I both got sick, we presumed from a Flavour Town burger. It’s only thing we both ate that Hanika didn’t.

The likely offending burger. Would I eat it again? Probably.

The last day we went in search of the elusive “old” strip. Turns out it was nowhere near where we were staying! It was easily enough to get to and we scored free parking again. It certainly felt different from the famous strip. Lots of neon lights, a lot more out door performers/buskers, cheaper tables and cheaper hotels. We didn’t stop to gamble here.

That night Mat and I headed back to the Orleans to try our hand. After being down $100 each I had enough drinks to decided taking out another $400 was a good idea. And it was! We played blackjack at what became a very lively table. I’m not quick on the maths so I was doubling my bets on 14! Worked out well. So did doubling down on 13! In the end we left being up a couple of hundred each for the night, so only down a couple of hundred for the weekend. I’ve spent more had less fun in other cities.

Mat suckered me into a 530am airport run and the rest of us drove to Wofford Heights on the way to Sequoia National Park.

Kanab, UT (Zion/Bryce NP)

We had 4 nights in Kanab, UT. We chose Kanab due to it’s proximity to Zion, Bryce and Grande Escalante.

The drive out of Williams was great, plowed roads and no ice. We stopped via Flagstaff to finally get some snow gear. The local Walmart and Target were out but we found a ski shop that had secondhand gear! $45 and the kids were finally decked out, a bit late but better than never!

Our first full day in Kanab went to Zion National Park. On the way we stopped off at the Coral Dunes to do a bit of sledding on the snow. Ollie was a bit unsure and Moose was hesitant so we didn’t spend too long sledding.

Zion was amazing! We drove through the park and the Mile Long tunnel. Many of the walks were closed due to recent mudslides. We did the Riverside Walk to the Narrows. It offered a gentle climb along side a creek which was flowing with recent snow melt. Moose offered a bit of resistant but otherwise did very well. Ollie was content riding in the Ergo Baby Air Mesh 360 (definitely a product plug).

The following day we drove to Bryce National Park. Another spectacular park. The sled again came to rescue. Because of it were able to walk along several view points. Having the kids in snow pants made a huge difference to their comfort. They weren’t stuck with wet and cold bums from the snow falling into the sled. The view points had excellent fences to prevent the kids from falling down which left us with a bit of time to take pictures. Off the trail there were many smaller paths leading down valleys and over mounds. I went part way down a snow covered goat trail for some more shots. It’s somewhere I’d love to come back with older kids and do some serious hiking. There was snow everywhere still but it was 6 degrees and wonderfully sunny. I still don’t know why everyone in the same party needs to take the same picture, each with a camera and a phone. At least we have no shortage of pictures! I will say, the processor on the iPhone 8 yields some amazing pictures, especially in low light. And it’s panoramic feature is flawless. More on that in another post.

Our last day in Kanab called for rain so we did a short local hike over the town. We came almost face to face with a buck which Moose thought was pretty cool.

Dad left us in Kanab and headed back to Phoenix and we continued onto Las Vegas to meet up with my brother Mat.

Williams, AZ (Grand Canyon NP)

We had 3 nights in Williams as our “Gateway to the Grand Canyon”, as the sign says on entering the town.

The first day in Williams was a write off. There was a fresh foot of snow. Despite the plows already in full force the roads look treacherous. Dad and I headed out to see how bad they were in the 2WD van, complete with all season tires. It took 50m to stop doing 30kph… not idea for highway driving. A sage lady at the hotel said “I’ll go another day, the Canyon will be there tomorrow”. Wise words from a woman whose advanced age precluded me from being able to say the same about her. Instead we drove around town looking for appropriate snow gear. Luckily we found some boots for the boys and some Wellington boots for Hanika.

We bundled everyone up as best we could and headed for the shops on foot. In addition to the boots we bought a sled to pull the boys around in. I had visions of a leisurely stroll through fresh snow… wrong. Within a block both boys were tossed off by the narrowly shovelled sidewalks! We made it another block before we found a cafe. On the way back the wind picked up and was blowing ice crystals around. Poor Moose was being battered. Defeated, we headed back to the room to play Monopoly.

It was Thanksgiving that day so we went out for dinner at the local Mexican restaurant. They happened to be serving a ham and turkey dinner. We got both boy a plate off the kids menu. At less than half the price of the adult dish we figured it would fill them nicely. I won’t lie, it was the size of the adult meal! Lucky for us we had some Tupperware in the car so we ended up with tomorrow’s lunch at a fraction of the cost!

Over the day and second night a few more inches of snow fell. The road conditions were reported as good. I must admit, for what I consider a pretty remote part of America the plows were great. The roads were in excellent condition apart from scattered slush. The slowest part of the drive as getting INTO the park! I missed the turn off for prepaid vehicles so we were stuck in the slow moving line.

We unpacked everyone from the van and onto the sled and started walking around the South Rim. I’m not sure what it looks like in summer but the Grand Canyon is beautiful in winter. The size of the canyon can’t be overstated. I’ve never seen anything like it. We managed a bit of a walk with the sled before the boys got too cold and we had to turn back. Everyone looked jealous of our setup, especially the poor parents trying to push strollers and wagons through snow! One downside was that snow was piling into the sled and the boys only had sweatpants on.

We had one last dinner at a classic Route 66 diner before setting off the next day for Kanab, UT.

Phoenix, AZ

We had one night in Phoenix to pick up my dad. Simple, right? We got some good deals on Groupon for a hotel near the airport.

We did a big drive from Joshua Tree and finally made it to Phoenix in the afternoon. We checked in and… no Pappy. Odd since his flight was due 2 hours ago.

I checked the flights, all on time. No message from him that he had any problems making his connection. Must be the long line up at the rental car office due to Thanksgiving. I tried calling just to check, no answer. He must be signing the documents as we speak. We checked into our room and waiting.

An hour later, 3 hours after his arrival, a call from Dad. Where was the hotel? Someone had sent him on a wild goose chase looking for an exit on the interstate that didn’t exist. He made it to south and west Phoenix but not to the hotel. A few simple instructions on how to get from 25th to 75th street sorted everything out. If only the GPS he brought from Canada wasn’t filled with European maps from our Italy trip 5 years ago. And if only he splurged on a data package and could use Google Maps. Alas.

We went out for a lovely dinner at a trendy restaurant. It advertised an “anti inflammatory” menu. Regardless, the food was delicious and I think I countered the health kicks with the few beers I drank.

Hanika noticed a weather alert on her phone which said a massive storm was coming and would close down the interstate up to the Grand Canyon (our intended destination)! We’ve not been great at keeping up with the world. We don’t listen to the local radio stations because we have Spotify and we don’t watch TV because we’re masochists.

The more we looked, the more nervous I became. They were calling for 2 feet of snow in the Grand Canyon. What to do? We could stay in Phoenix where it would rain, forgo a night or two in Williams and relax. Or we could haul up the next morning and hold up in Williams (think The Shining). The hotel owner assured me they wouldn’t lose power. A quick google showed that the town had a few basic ammenities and that we were unlikely to starve. One slight issue was our lack of snow gear. The kids had jackets, but no gloves, boots or snow pants!

We waited until the next morning to make our decision. The forecast called for snow only in the afternoon so Hanika made the executive decision to push on. We stopped via Walmart but couldn’t find anything for the kids! The drive up was fine apart from a bit of sleet past 4000ft of elevation. We effortlessly checked into our hotel as the snow fell.

Orlando,FL to San Francisco, CA Travels

We flew Southwest across America and have little to write about!

We were stressed about the check in process. 2 adults, 2 children, 2 car seats, 3 checked bags, 3 carry on bags, 2 prams… A true nightmare! The night before I discovered that Orlando offers curb side check in. Problems solved! We literally pulled up the the curb in the rental car on the departures level, gave our bags to the employee who tagged them and boom, done! I left Hanika with the carry on and prams and returned the rental car without issue.

We chose Southwest because they’re cheap and they give 2 bags free, plus car seats are free extras. What I realised the day before flying is how they keep their costs down. There is no food on the plane. No worries, I’ll buy some. Nope, they don’t SELL food either! Lucky I did some research so we stocked up on overpriced provisions once we got through security.

Boarding is unique with no allocated seating. We were in the second group to get on (young kids, pulling through) and had no trouble finding a row of 3.

We flew out on time, landed in Nashville to let some people off/on. I can’t remember the last domestic flight I was on that wasn’t direct. It wasn’t the worst, Ollie was able to crawl around the floor and eat left over snacks. The next stop was Denver where we deplaned and had dinner. We boarded our new plane to San Fran without issue.

Finally we made it to SFO. No tears. No bleeding. No vomiting. Winning!

We pulled our embarrassing load of bags off the conveyer belt and I nipped across to get the new rental car (me leaving poor Hanika with the kids is a recurring theme). Well that’s not how it works! I had to get on a train and ride for 10 minutes to get to the car rental office. It was probably 40 minutes by the time I came to rescue Hanika. By that time Ollie had a code brown and was brought to the car pantsless!

We had a quick drive to our AirBnB and unpacked uneventfully. With the time zone change it was well past midnight Florida time before the kids were in bed.

Would I fly Southwest again? Yes. Would I use curb side check in again? EVERY TIME!

Orlando, FL (Disney)

Warning, this is long!

No trip to the US is complete without visiting Disney! We spent 5 nights in Orlando to finish the East Coast leg of the trip.

We had a long drive from Key Largo to Orlando. We checked into our AirBnB and awaited the arrival of Eric and Jenn and their two kids.

The first full day together we had pancakes for breakfast then lounged around the pool. The unit was part of a gated holiday community. It had a community centre with an arcade, movie theatre, pool and hot tub. The kids had a blast running around the pool. That afternoon Eric decided to indulge in the local culture and hit up the gun range complete with free popcorn.

Neither of us are gunsmiths my any stretch. We rocked up wearing thongs (flip flops) completely lost. “So how does it this work?”. Turns out you pay money and then pick a gun from a shelf, buy ammo and shoot! Quite simple. Except you get more instructions getting onto a ride in Disney! They literally pointed to the trigger and said pull this down range. Multiple times we had to ask for help and were met with a disappointing sigh. In their defence, we forgot/didn’t know how to turn off the safety. We shot a 9mm Glock, a semi automatic rifle and shotgun, a full automatic rifle and a 6 shooter. We also got some sweet booties.

The next day was Disney World. This was mine and Hanika’s first time. Thank goodness we had Jenn and Eric to lead the way with their combined 15 visits!

Everything was planned out. We knew which rides we’d hit up first, how we’d effectively use our Fast Passes. Flawless.

We changed accommodation and dropped our bags at the Animal Kingdom Resort and hopped on the shuttle to the Magic Kingdom park. We arrived 45 mins later than anticipated and that’s when the wheels fell off! Already the wait for rides was over an hour. Thank God we had Jenn to navigate the park and make the most of our time.

We had a jam packed day. We managed to catch a mid day parade, do some rides and watch some shows. Moose wasn’t a huge fan of any ride that was remotely fast/scary but he was happy enough to sit out. One of the highlights for me was the shows. They’re only about 20 minutes long, in a large theatre, minimum line ups, air conditioned and filled with comfy seats! They offered a reprieve from the heat and screaming kids.

In the middle of the day we got our hotel rooms texted to us. We were miles apart! We thought that mattered (it didn’t), so Eric called up and asked if they could change us. Thank God he did, they ended up right next door with a room upgrade! Disney really does do anything they can to make your stay happy. Ask, they’ll do it.

Unfortunately Disney closed the Magic Kingdom at 6pm on our day. They were hosting a Christmas Party which mean we got kicked out unless we spent another $100 EACH. Not even a restaurant reservation would keep us in the park. We headed to the Rainforest Cafe for an immersive meal compete with fish tanks and animatronic gorillas.

https://youtu.be/zGdcSZoOT7s

The next morning we woke to the sight of giraffes and zebras from our balcony. I enthusiastically woke up Moose who begged me to let him sleep! Since when is a 4 year old a teenager?? So much for investment in a safari view room.

We ate a delicious buffet, no alcohol for $100 USD for 3 people! All those websites that say Disney has reasonably priced food must be eating stadium hotdogs. Jesus. Saying that, it was delicious apart from the subpar filtered coffee.

Our second Disney day was spent at Hollywood Studios. Again, a delayed start due to the Haiarts’ meant missing our first preferences. The park is divided into two major areas; Toy Story and Star Wars. The Toy Story world is filled with rides and regular character appearances. We didn’t make it onto the Slinky Dog roller coaster because the line had ballooned to >75 mins by the time we entered the park! We say the Indian Jones special effects who which was incredible. Another chance to sit down but this time with explosions! We also managed a Frozen show, a Cars show and Eric, Jenn and I rode the Rockin’ Roller coaster. It launches you 0-90kpm in 2.8 seconds! The whole thing is somehow inside, dark and ludicrous. Do it.

I dragged everyone to Star Wars Galaxy Edge after. As a huge fan it was mind blowing. A totally immersive experience despite the fact it’s not complete. People were being randomly arrested by circulating Storm Troopers. Unfortunately we had the WORST food of the entire trip there. I misread “Turkey Jerky” as jerked turkey. We spent 2 months in Jamaica and loved jerked chicken. Sure, I thought, a new bird but same great taste right? False. It was literally jerky (dried, seasoned) turkey skin. It looked like a withered ball sac. It tasted no better. Still, the $15 extragalactical cocktail made up for it. But seriously, the whole thing was amazing. The attention to detail was “out of this world”. I was like a kid in a candy store. I even considered buying Star Wars Christmas ornaments. The grand finale of the night was riding the “Smuggler’s Run” ride in the Millennium Falcon. I’d read review on how the ride worked but they left a lot of details out to keen an element of surprise. I’ll do the same… It was great fun with any of the “roles” being interactive and undoubtably fun. Worth Eric and Jenn doing the line up so we could to the parent swap.

We retired back to the resort and the kids did a bit of animal viewing. They set up night vision goggles and with them Moose swore he could all of them. There was one cow..

The next day we enjoyed another overpriced buffet and the Johannson’s left us. We checked out and into another timeshare type community, much smaller and without any sort of country club feel. We were treated to a visit by the Thurling’s who are also doing a North American tour with their young children. We had a lazy day by the pool and a few bevies. It was great to catch up with people who understood the trials and tribulations of travelling with family. They went off to Mexico and we flew off to San Francisco.

Key Largo, FL

We spent 3 nights in Key Largo, Key West just seemed to far to drive back up to Orlando for.

We stayed at a “resort” and really splurged. I can’t remember how much it was but it was certainly more than the $80 a night we spent in NYC! It was worth it.

Turns out the Keys are protected from having sandy beaches by the barrier reefs, thank God! Our hotel had 2 private docks, a pool, games and a small “beach” with kayaks and paddle boards.

We spent the days relaxing, swimming in the pool and playing giant Jenga. Moose and I went on a kayak and managed to spot a manatee. I tried my hand at the SUP but failed miserably. Either I was paddling myself in circles or I was acting a sail and being blown out to sea. I gave up and paddled back to the dock on my knees. Utter failure!

There was a great bar colocated where we had drinks and dinner. For $100 AUD we got 2 crab cakes and 3 cocktails! Gotta live a bit, right? The cocktails were strong enough that we ended up back there 3 hours later for dinner!

We planned ahead and got a glass bottom boat cruise on Groupon. I suppose we’re both a bit spoilt. I’ve been diving on the Great Barrier Reef and Hanika’s been around the Whitsundays a few times. This was a 45 minute boat ride out to a lacklustre reef for 30 minutes then 45 minutes back to land. In all honesty the sharks at the marina were more interesting! Hanika was treated to sea turtles and dolphins while I took care of Moose sleeping away his sea sickness.

One night Ollie decided he didn’t feel like sleep. The warm weather and safeness meant we could do a midnight walk. We hit the highway and walked a mile to a Waffle House for a 3am snack! The joys of fatherhood.

Despite the small beach we ended up with sand all through our room. Apart from that it was perfect. The weather was great, hot but not too humid, clear skies and a lovely ocean breeze. It certainly felt like we were chasing summer down the East coast. So far Key Largo had be the unexpected highlight of trip, certainly much better than Miami. More authentic, more relaxed, more Darwin.

Next we set off to Orlando to start HaJo 2019 @ Disney!

Miami Beach, FL

We spent 4 nights in Miami Beach. I learnt a lot there.

I hate sand. Truely. It gets everywhere. As a hairy guy it’s impossible to wash out in the shower without a pressure washer. But Miami Beach offered more than sand.

We stayed in the heart of the Art Deco area filled with bars and hotels that clearly had played host to some epic parties. We were a short childless walk from the beach, or a 30 minute free bus ride.

The first day we took the beaches with our new beach shade in tow. We payed 20$ for some shade in Pensacola and damned if I’ll get ripped off again. Hanika found an excellent pop up shade tent. Looking like travelling hobos we arrived to the beach, a family of fair skinned immigrants with our shade tent (which folded to a 3 foot circle), pram, 2 backpacks and a sweet polyester mat. Ludicrous. We did a have a great day at the beach though. The waves were a bit of a turn off for Moose but both kids were happy to play in the tidal pools. We got take away Cuban sandwiches from one of the aforementioned hotels and ate them on the grass. The day came to a close and it was time to pack up. Well, did that bloody tent fold back up again? The closest I got was 6 feet across and filing for divorce. Hanika was equally successful minus the divorce part. In the end I broke it and put it next to a bin… Not my proudest moment. Lesson 2, pay the beach shack rates and keep your sanity.

The second day we made our way to Little Havana for a bit of culture. For those who don’t know its a suburb filled with Cuban expats fleeing the Castro regime. It’s filled with Cuban cafes, restaurants and history. And chickens. We strolled up and down, watched old men play dominos, drank Margaritas and ate Cuban sandwiches. That afternoon our (my) museum passport pulled through again with an amazing science centre. This one was part aquarium part kids playground.

We also walked down the Lincoln Road Mall. It’s mall in the Australian sense. It’s a pedestrian only road flanked by shops, ranging from high end boutiques to generic tourist traps. I did manage to snag a wicked pair of “Miami” boardies.

We had a day of garbage weather so found an in door playground for the kids to play in . Dear lord. It was a weekend with multiple birthdays going on. I can barely handle 2 kids let alone 200! Never mind, the kids had a great time and wore themselves out.

Now on to the logistics. Do not, under any circumstances, bring a car to Miami Beach. There is NO parking. And by no parking I mean street parking is for a maximum of 9 hours, private lots are $40 for 24 hours. The on street parking has a website to register your car and pay with a credit card (no machine available). I went to the website… interesting it’s in German. No worries, there’s a Union Jack so I’ll click on that. I put in all my information, load up by credit card but can’t find the location. No worries. I’ll call them up and figure it out. “Oh yeah, we printed all the signs wrong. That’s some European company that we don’t deal with. The actual site is …”. Are you shitting me? You fucked up printing street signs for an entire city but figured in for a penny in for a pound? Which asshat bureaucrat signed off on this farce? After going through the registration process again I was lucky enough to pay $20 for 7 hours of parking. That night I drove the car to a public lot 2km away and paid another $20 for the honour.

But it’s worth it, right? We went to Miami proper for the indoor playground. Paid parking, no sweat I’ve got it set up. Nope. Different city council, different pay system. I had to repeat the whole system again! At least their signs were printed correctly. What makes things extra frustrating is that America seems to use your credit card billing zip code as a security feature. Prepay for gas at the pump? Put in your zip. Easy, except of course my billing address is in Canada! That means calling the Miami people and setting up the account. And every time I want gas I have to in an prepay. Can’t prepay at the pump, wrong zip code. Can’t be trusted to pump then pay because ‘Murica. Lesson 3, somehow get an American credit card.

We survived, barely and drove to Key Largo for a sandless ocean experience.

St Petersburg, FL

We spent 2 nights in St Pete’s. It was a bit of drive from Tallahassee and the Air BnB had a 5pm check in time. With time to kill we stopped at Crystal Rivers.

It’s a spring fed river with clear water and white sand. It’s famous for its manatees, or so we were told as we saw zero. When the gulf temperature drops the sea cows (nature’s speed bumps) swim up the river the bask in the warmth of the springs. Despite their rotund figure they don’t have much body fat. Despite the lack of manatees it really was a beautiful place. Unfortunately you can’t enter the water from the park to preserve the banks. We had to settle for watching others have fun.

Next stop was Walmart to get some costumes for the boys. Turns out if you leave buying a costume for 3pm the night of Halloween there’s not much left! Thank goodness we found a Buzz Lightyear suit for Moose, just ever so slightly too big with a Woodie treat basket. Ollie had to settle for a Batman onesie.

We’ve stayed in some ghetto places before and St Pete’s proved to be more of the same. We arrived just after 5 and couldn’t see ANY kids walking the streets. I put them in the car do some candy tourism. I figured there’s an elementary school near by therefore kids, therefore candy. Nope. As a last ditch effort I googled the nearest Trader Joe’s and hit up that neighbourhood. Jackpot! Seemed everyone had the same idea too. Vans were pulling over and letting kids and parents up. I felt much less guilty!

This street was amazing. Families, young couples, retirees all put in phenomenal efforts on their decorations.

We put a bucket of chocolates outside our place in case anyone came by. When we got home none of the treats were taken! I reckon I bought 300 chocolates. We dumped them in Miami. Our neighbours seemed to be partaking in the “Devil’s Lettuce” so we hooked a bag of candies to their door knob. It must have been good product because they were too paranoid to take it and it was still there the next morning!

The next day was an epic drive to Miami Beach.

Tallahassee, FL

We spent 3 nights in Tallahassee, again to break up the driving.

Tallahassee is the state capital of Florida. It’s not a big city by an stretch and we didn’t have much trouble getting around. Saying that, we didn’t do much and enjoyed a few days of low key tourism.

The highlight was the Tallahassee museum, which is more like a zoo. They had an elevated boardwalk through the enclosures of red wolves, deer, bears and panthers. My favourite animals were the tree climbing foxes.

Otherwise we really didn’t do much. It rained which forced our hands to finally buy umbrellas. They got minimal use.

We headed off to St Petersburg for Halloween.